Preface. Cool and Counter Cool: Or; On Not Necessarily Being Uncool

‘I said hepcats, sinners, BRATS,

Suck on this for sunshine!’

Dear friends, acquaintances, inmates, strangers, and sworn enemies,

I’m very glad to say that you’ll be mightily displeased to hear that those Divine Muses of Mount Travesty have struck me once more with the gifts of poetry, parody, and burlesque picaresque prose.

As I ramble, rumble, bimble and bumble, fumble and tumble my way through the mazy corridors of London’s liminal cultures, I’ve been busily, but haphazardly, erecting an architectural wonder of 7 independent but interconnected tales which shall rival the complexity of those internal corridors of that geezer’s pyramid up Giza; - they might be as tall as it too.

Speaking of tall-tales, I know that many of you are very fond of dogs. I also like dogs,- particularly of the shaggy-haired verbal variety that has no spatial awareness or sense of destination.

Anyway, each of these 7 tales shall keep re-entering last January’s le Boutique Bazaar, but from different doorways, backdoorways, trapdoorways, gangways, and stairways. I was very pleasantly lost that day amongst all the wares and meeting so many people, that I thoroughly intend to lose those very few readers who (rather masochistically I might add) wish to abandon all hope by entering here.

As always, the jokes are at my own expense, not yours;- a matter of such trivial note, considering we've all got better things to do than read through this spun yarn.

Today’s tale, which is actually tale 2 of 7,- as they are being released deliberately out of order, is in 3 episodes, and features Miss Ruby Alexia (SG) in the main role.

So, if you wish to find out what Miss Ruby Alexia’s jaunty cap has to do with Helena Bonham-Carter’s appearance in The London Library, or how Monster Queen can make hard objects look squishy to your senses, or even how a Street Credibility High Striker can ruin all of your good intentions, read on…

Each tale explores one aspect of why I’m incapable of being ‘cool’, hence the main title:

Cool and Counter-Cool:

Or; On Not Necessarily Being Uncool

In today’s tale, Miss Ruby Alexia (SG) has a very strong supporting cast with her, by the way. (You should see the credits for the total of all 7 tales, but I won’t burden you now.)

Yours insincerely,

London’s purple peril.

Brat.

[Lyrics above, courtesy of Ian Atsbury]

A radio edit of this Preface was released on Instagram 28/03/2023.